Looking at you and looking at me, it's clear that together we should be
What kind of man would I be, if when you needed me most I set you free
Because you are the woman that God made, yes you are the woman God has made just for me

When there is sadness and there's tears, it springs forth from both our fears
What kind of husband would I be, if I turn my back on you and all our years
Because you are the woman that God made, yes you are the woman God has made just for me

Yes all of the memories all the smiles
The vision of you walking down that aisle
They're etched in stone they pierced my heart
The best of me is the part you are, the best in me is the part you are

And if you lose faith and that smile leaves your face, I will be here be still and even chase
What kind of friend would I be, if I don't hold you in my arms in this place
Because you are the woman that God made, yes you are the woman God has made just for me

So no matter the trial that life may bring, together with you we both shall sing
What kind of man would I be, if I don't love you more than me
What kind of friend would I be, if I don't love you more than me
Yes, what kind of husband would I be if I don't forgive and love you more than me

Forgiveness

Is it not true that we all have so much to be thankful for in life? As a husband and father it is never more evident when I look around at what is before me! I would suspect that if you asked a group of people what they are most thankful for you would get just as many answers as you have people. Love, happiness, children, memories...they all bring a real and solid reason to be thankful. I am thankful for all of these and many, many more. But what am I most thankful for? That is the question I have asked myself a thousand times over the last several months and without fail, the answer that keeps coming back to me is Forgiveness. Not only being forgiven but having the ability to also forgive.

Thomas Fuller said it well: " He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven "

If we are honest, and I mean that total and complete honesty that comes in the wake of a trial or challenge or argument or conflict, I think most would find it easier to see the need for our own forgiveness than the need to forgive someone else. Seeking forgiveness can oftentimes come with an expectation, for personal gain...even if it is for pure reasons. And with genuine repentance, forgiveness can set you free, take away your shame and be used to restore relationships.

Forgiving someone else takes on a whole new type of challenge for most people. If you are wronged it can be easy to stand in judgement and justify anger. But what stands in the way of most, including myself at times, is pride. Should I forgive someone if they don't ask for forgiveness? Think about it for a second........? Why don't we forgive others for what they do? Do I demand to be paid back from someone who does me harm? Do I make them suffer by keeping my distance, do I make them feel bad or do I go to the extreme of paying evil for evil? Yes, Yes, Yes and Yes...!

In the past several months it has become very clear to me just how inferior my ability to forgive was, or better stated, how disobedient I was to how God wants me to respond to those that have and do hurt me.

I'm a fighter by nature....you know, the kind of guy who doesn't back down from a challenge or fight or argument. I wouldn't consider myself a bully but I may as well be one because when push comes to shove, my sinful heart doesn't want to lose. This, in part, is why I am a fighter. To be outdone, or stepped on or betrayed or taken advantage of is not something I like and probably not something any of us like. But the fact of the matter is that no matter what, even if these things are done to me, my response will not change or take away from what's already been done. If someone says hurtful words to me, my response will not undo what's already been said. If someone lies to me, my response will not make it truth.

My wife often tells me that it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile....and in fact, the body releases endorphins when you smile that make you feel good. I know this to be true, especially lately as I begin to smile more. So why do I smile more? There are a variety of reasons but the root, the thing that brings much joy or maybe it just prevents sorrow, is the ability to forgive. If I do not forgive it leads to anger, which leads to hate, which gives someone else power over me, which leads to being in bondage and a slave to sin, which leads to destruction.

I'm sure that, if you're like me, you've thought about all you've done wrong to others and compared it to how many times you have been wronged. And I'm pretty sure that it's probably easier to rattle off all those infractions against you or at least they probably come to mind much more quickly. Why is that? For me it's easier because in my own subconscious or maybe even at the forefront of my heart, I keep a record....an internal scorecard that sadly, can be looked at, evaluated and used in a very wrong way.

The good news, however, is that this scorecard can be wiped clean and even torn up and thrown away. Forgiveness can set not only someone else free but it can set me free, too! Does love keep a record of right and wrong? I think it does but not in the way that it was intended. If Christ had a scorecard it would be completely blank on one side and full on the other.

The greatest way to forgive is to come to terms with my own sin, my own failures, my own selfish desires and to repent. I must look at the wrongs that I have done and in light of those, which are so many I can't even count, I must come to the complete and utter realization that I am not perfect, I am not awesome and in fact, I am no better than anyone else. I must also come to terms with the fact that sin is sin is sin....there are no degrees or levels or big or little ones. If someone

takes or even tries to take away something important to me and I respond in sin...who is worse? Is one act of evil justified by another?

Jesus said, "But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" ~Matthew 5:44

I think Jesus had it right, and why not, He is God!

Forgiveness is so vital to being set free...both giving and receiving. It just seems a lot easier to ask for it than it does to offer it up. But the truth of the matter is that to love is to forgive.

The Apostle Paul wrote in I Corinthians 13, "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends"

Did you get that? Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. Let me ask you this: How is not forgiving someone getting in the way of how you love them? Or better yet, how is your view on how to love getting in the way?

And in closing I am reminded of the greatest love song every told or heard. It began with a man dying on a cross and the chorus was three days of silence.....no prettier sound was ever heard on earth than the quietness that came and I think that had a little something to do with forgiveness...the greatest act of forgiveness that will ever be demonstrated.

CJ

You're a good man....

I received a blessing today from a dear old friend and it got me to thinking about myself and the words that were said, or should I say, words that were written. Five little words, "You are a good man" I know that these words were meant in love and with the greatest sincerity and yet for some reason I found myself feeling a little uneasy. And though I was very flattered and thankful for such kind words, I sat and thought about myself and whether or not I was in fact a good man.

Life is fragile and brief and there are as many paths as there are people. Yet, the path that many of us, including myself, tend to go down is the one that is easy, selfish, prideful, broad and full of sin. And for a time, even an extended period of time, this path seem like the right one, even for Christians.

Unfortunately, this path, though wide, is congested, plagued with pot-holes, barriers, detours, speed traps and utter destruction. There are so many people on it going so many directions that it's impossible to know where you're going, how to get there and there is nobody directing traffic. And pretty soon it becomes very evident to those on it that they must direct themselves, they must fight for what is theirs and at times, they must bully or manipulate or scheme or do whatever they have to do just to keep moving forward.

Sadly, this path has many side roads, tunnels, turnoffs and underground parking that can take someone headed in the wrong direction and make them truly lost.

I'm a regular guy--Husband, Father, Friend, Coach, who not only was a regular on this path but an expert of sorts. I knew all the haunts, the places to hide, the wide open spaces and sadly, the darkest corners where nobody speaks, where anger and hate are king and if you're not careful, you won't make it out alive.

I almost didn't make it out alive or should I say, I was finally made to live once God swooped down and rescued me. It didn't come without a price, though. There were plenty of heartaches and trials and just when I thought I couldn't take it, when I thought God wasn't there and when all I held dear was on the verge of being gone, God revealed Himself to me in a way I had never seen. And in that final blow, that knockout punch, I stood at that fork in the road. For the first time I took that step down the narrow and sweet path that leads to forgiveness, acceptance, grace, freedom, direction and love....lots of love! And the greatest thing about it is there is someone there directing traffic. The road map is clear, the signs are posted and easy to read and just as "Jill" in my GPS says "Recalculating" when I take a wrong turn, God in His kindness does the same!

This is what I though about today when hearing that I was a good man. And for a while as I sat there and thought about my own life I was disheartened by my own shame, by the mistakes I have made and the ones made to me. However, the good news is that the broken road has been paved over and that narrow path, the path I am on is filled with a sense of direction and hope.

I think Oscar Wilde said it well, "What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessing in disguise" Truer words could not have been spoken!

You are a good man, Chad, now seems to have a sweet sound in my ear as I reflect on how I got here. And make no mistake about it, I am a good man but not because of what I have done. It's not because of the things I say or do or how much I give of my time or talents or gifts...no, I am a good man because of what was done for me. And the greatest blessing I could receive in the compliment given today isn't because it makes me feel good....which it does, but because I know that others, like my friend, see something different in me. Sure, they see a man, a husband, father and friend but what I hope they see and what I think my friend today saw was Christ reflected in me....which is the greatest compliment that I could ever get!

Thank you, Dana!
~CJ

A Step of.....

"What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step" ~ C.S. Lewis

Driving down the street the other day I noticed a man at a crosswalk waiting for the light to change. I was waiting at the same light and I couldn't help but take notice of him. This man stood tall and deliberate with a purpose, a goal, as if he were headed to the most important place he would ever go. As I watched him, maybe a minute, I was able to gather several bits of information that while I can't say are all together true, gave me an accurate assessment of the kind of man I think he is. He was tall, in shape, happy, deliberate, careful, aware of his surroundings, confident and blind. Yes, he was blind and I would have never guessed had I not seen his walking stick. And I thought to myself how many times I had seen people just like him and felt pity, felt sorry, maybe even times when I felt nothing at all.

Sight is one of those common types of Grace that God gives to most of us, including me. And while I wasn't born with the most perfect of eyes, I have indeed been blessed with the ability to see, which is more than the man I saw on the street. The most simple of things for the sighted person are taken for granted hundreds if not thousands of times daily....and I am no exception to that. To put one step in front of the other and walk or perhaps to run is something so simple. The destination could be anywhere but the way we do it is the same. One foot, then the other and then repeat. Sounds simple but is it really?

I had the great pleasure of watching each of my three kids take their first steps. Each of them were different in their style but all the same in function. One step, then another and then repeat! And while watching them fall and stumble and run into things was at times very funny, it was the times when they hurt and ran into things or fell hard that was the most difficult. And one of the greatest acts of love and satisfaction as a Dad was to extend a finger, let them wrap that whole hand around it and walk together slowly with careful deliberation and care to choose a path free of obstacles or danger. One step at a time was never more safe for them then when being guided, cared for and instructed by Mom or Dad. But eventually the bitter-sweet reality of independence shows up and taking one step at a time simply turns into walking.

As a middle-aged man, yes that's right, middle-aged... In a great trial I was reminded by my own ability to walk and run and just how I put one foot in front of the other. I was reminded that it wasn't too often in life that I was deliberate in taking one step at a time, which in part, was why I was going through this trial to begin with. I had run when I should have walked...or more importantly, I should have slowed down, taken care to see what was in front of me and listened and learned from my surrounding. And there were times when I walked when I should have run...the times when those important or dangerous or pressing things should have been dealt with and were not. This is the type of lazy, take life for granted, there's always a tomorrow type of attitude. This is what led to the third and most difficult way of moving which in the end, though I didn't see it at the time was the most eye opening and humbling way to get to my final destination. God in His kindness to me had brought me to my knees and forced me to crawl...the place where it all started, the place I watched each of my kids outgrow not so long ago.

But here I was a grown man crawling on my knees and the only option was to get up and run, something I had done all my life or to sit there, cry out for help and let God teach me to take a step and another. And in that moment I could see His hand reached out to me and in His amazing Grace, He prompted me to take hold of it. And in the same way I remember taking my own children by the hand, I, too, was being led by the God of all creation, the Father who loves and chose me. But this was a perfect love, a perfect instruction, a perfect sense of safety...a safety that is incomparable to anything I could offer.

God showed me how to take a step...that type of faith that comes only from Him. I was often reminded in this time about Peter and the encounter with Jesus on the water.
"He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” ~Matthew 14: 29-31

Here I was calling out to God like Peter and taking that first step was the most difficult. But just as Peter I, too, got scared and cried out again. Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of me. And in doing so he began to show me how to take the next step and the next and the next.

In life there will always be obstacles, hazards, detours, hills, valleys, challenges and countless things that can get us off course. But the good news is that God in His amazing love will guide you with each step. He will make the path straight if with each step there is faith. And like Peter, who stepped out of the boat in faith, He will be there even in our times of doubt as long as we cry out.

For me, like the blind man I saw on the street, I have direction, confidence, a purpose and goal to take one step at a time to the most important place I will ever go. And there with me with each step and there waiting when I get there will be Jesus, the one in whom I trust, the one in whom I depend on, the one who holds my hand, the one who saved me, the one who guides me, the one who paved the way and the one who loves me more than any other....forever!